I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
