Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize