I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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