I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
