My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
