they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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