I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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