There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
