I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
