You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
