I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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