I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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