so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
