Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
