I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
