dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
