Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
