Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
