I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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