I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
