just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
