I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
