In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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