Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize