every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
