dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
