he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
