Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
