I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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