Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
