Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
jump out the window naked night went bad
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
