I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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