im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
