There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
