Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
