I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
