No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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