Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
