I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
