You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize