i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
