so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
