So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
