Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
