Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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