In the future we'll all be gay
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
