My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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