it was like his penis was on wheels.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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