so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
