that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
