so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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