I could have mohawked her pubes.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
