someone threw a dead crab at me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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