When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
