I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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