the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
