The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
