She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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