16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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