they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
