Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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