My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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