come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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