i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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