Christians are straight up FREAKS
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
