so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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