Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He called his prostate his "boner button".
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
