whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
