she woke up with a sticky ear
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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