I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
