it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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