Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
