Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
