Just fell off a train. Bad.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
