belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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