dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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