I got chris browned last night
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
