I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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