I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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