where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
