my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
