Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize