Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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