Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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