whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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