dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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